The last face I will see

We loved with a love that was more than love.  I once made the mistake of asking the gods “what could be worse than being left by the man you love?” and they answered in spades.   The answer my dear, is to be the one doing the leaving.

That was 21 years ago, and to this day I cannot even write his name as it is forbidden.  Yes, it was a forbidden love, and I didn’t care.   I didn’t care that I only had a few precious hours with him a week,  I didn’t care that I was at his beck and call, all I cared about was him.  Until the day he told me he would have to divorce his wife, and then I cared about him even more and ended it, and never looked back.  I deleted every reference of him from diaries, scrapbooks, love letters, with the knowledge that in later years I might be tempted.

I believed that I had forgotten him, forgotten the lines of his face, his delightful smile, the love I had.  What a fool I was.  In writing this I realized that not a day nor a minute in these past 21 years has gone by without a thought of him, and that I still looked for him in every crowd I was in.  His will be the last face I see before I die.

For JRM.


3 Responses to “The last face I will see”

  1. well.

    that cheered me up.

    damn you.

  2. Well;-). Like this one

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: