Can I take a Pass?

Another year, another chance to start our lives anew, oh the tears I shed when 2008 became 2009. 

 My daughter and I lit our traditional candle, and the words from the Counting Crows “Long December” I began screaming like a mantra, “and there is reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last” I cried as my daughter realized that her job that night was suicide watch, I continued with “it has to be it has to be it has to be, doesn’t it?” as I sank to my knees in defeat.

 My fearfully beautifully made child simply held my hand and said nothing.  She knows what I do for a living, she knew 2008 was, for her, 365 days of suicide watch, she knows I keep a loaded needle in the house, she just doesn’t know where it is.

The warrior in me saw me through the night, and 2009 was the best year I’ve had in 20.  A southern city called to me like a siren song, and I remembered what it was like to be happy.  My daughter and I had a gut wrenching  talk that should have happened years ago, before I could do the damage I did to her, and we are now best friends.   A soulmate of mine , Quin, reintroduced me to the passion of writing, and that has seen me through the darkest nights of  this past year.  I was lucky to get a fantastic work crew, and I owe Nic and Claire my life in so many ways.   When Claire left I cried for days, our office is one light shy now, but her friendship remains, and on occasion I swear I can see her out of the corner of my eye.  

 Christmas was very understated this year, and it gave me the gift of simplicity.  Another year, 2010, another chance to start my life anew. I’m sorry 2010, but I think I will take a pass this year, I’ve already gotten rid of the deadly needle, and I have 2009 to thank for that.  I started my life over last year, and it’s a good one, so I think I will be keeping it.

Happy New Year to those who need it.


7 Responses to “Can I take a Pass?”

  1. I owe you just as much as you owe me. I too still see Claire out of the corner of my eye or just behind me.

    Thanks again for the reminder…

  2. You visited my site earlier, indicating you could not figure out how to leave a comment. Your comments came through just fine and are now showing. If you click on the box next to the word Comment, a list of options comes up for those on blogger, wordpress, name/url, anonymous, etc. Just make a choice and fill in the boxes. The comments become visible after my approval. I do hope you’ll continue to visit if you enjoy my site. Thank you.

    • illyriataylor Says:

      thanx I’ll try again next week….for some reason on your blog it tells me I am not who I am so the wordpress link is what’s killing me, and I don’t have google.

  3. Nice, scary tale. deadly loaded needle? Sometimes I’m lost with what you write but this is why I always return. One day I’ll understand what it is your saying. You left a comment on my Blog I wish I had your life. My life is a good life but it isn’t a life you’d really want. I have ghosts in my closet and they periodically haunt me to no end. Things I’ve said and things I’ve done that I can never take back. I like Your style of writing I’d love to write as you do.

    walk In My Shoes

  4. What a deep and dark story. The comment above however gave it a completely different meaning.. Thanks for contributing to Carry On Tuesday.

  5. Simple works for me – so I won’t be making changes…just improvements.

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