Tomorrow (10)

The pain was starting to feel normal, after a week at the animal shelter I was all but numb. My first day back a young cat birthed kittens that were so deformed I couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began, and aberration of nature even in the eyes of the cruelest of gods.

Without a thought I unlocked the secret cabinet, loaded the deadly syringe, and destroyed the mewling mass of limbs and blood. On day two I destroyed dozens more, most injured or too wild to handle safely, by the third day I was exhausted. For the hundredth time I wondered if this was Karma, was I a Nazi soldier in the death camps in a former life? Why else would I do a job that betrayed my very soul?

On Day six I caught myself laughing hysterically though there was nothing to laugh about. Day seven I cried because I couldn’t find my keys.

On Day thirteen I came to work to find a note; ‘A, the dog in kennel #27 needs to be put down’. The dog in kennel #27 was old, he had cataracts and arthritis, his only crime was that nobody remembered him enough to call and claim him.

I looked into his eyes and all sanity left me as I slid down the wall, the deadly syringe falling from my fingers as I repeated the words “No this can’t be my life, No, no..” The No began as a plea, grew into a prayer, matured into the acceptence of my worst nightmare come to life, and ended with a scream that continued long after my vocal chords had failed. An old song lyric came to mind and I covered my hand with my mouth as if by that simple act I could keep the insanity at bay, but Amazing Jane continued to tell me

‘there ain’t no redemption when you’re stone cold sane, and crazy, well crazy is just another point of view.

After a time I grew still and closed my eyes. I stood up and turned the lights off and locked up for the night. The dog in kennel #27 would be there tomorrow, and Tomorrow was another day. For both of us.

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In the desert of secrets Coral begins to sing the lines ‘she is Nowhere and Everywhere at the Same Time, though she entered unnoticed you will feel it when she leaves’ as she wipes down the bar, waiting for the next arrival Here.

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